Did you know that we make an impression of someone within one tenth of a second! It usually takes a few seconds thereafter to become aware of the impression. In that short time frame we determine whether someone is attractive, trustworthy, and credible. We are constantly bombarded with an unending stream of cognitive stimulation. Our brain needs to simplify things and create short cuts to process that amount of information coming at us. These impressions can sometimes be reliable and other times they can be faulty. We may find that when we do meet someone there is something about them that just bugs us. We can’t always put our finger on it, but we know they rub us the wrong way and they get under our skin. There are several reasons for this disconnect. Below are the top 3 reasons why people get under our skin.
- We expect other people to act and think like us. If I am a detail-oriented person, I think everyone else should be. Or if I love going out and meeting new people, I would expect everyone else to enjoy the same interactions. The minute we expect others to be like us and act like us, we lose sight of our unique differences and strengths.
- We secretly wish we could act like others. I have clients who wish they had certain strengths such as being blunt and direct so they don’t have to agonize over hurting other people’s feelings. Yet, when they meet these assertive people, they are frustrated by them and annoyed at how bold they are.
- We see something in someone else that is indicative of how we are and we don’t like it. You mayfind that you are easily irritated by people that are not punctual. This may be seen as inconsiderate and offensive. However, if you evaluate your own behavior you might find that you are also frequently late. It’s easier to recognize negative attributes in others than with ourselves.
The MIND the Matters workshop will you identify your own style and that of others to enhance your compatibility in your relationships and sustain productive relationships.